Goldfish Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeinghim there, decides to investigate."Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him.""That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!'

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johhny?"
"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate."Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked."My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied."That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor."That's because he's inside your cat!"

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

3 blondes caught a goldfish, and the fish said if they let her go she will grant them one wish each. The first blonde said: "I want to be smart." The second said: "I want to be smarter than her," and the third said: "I want to be the smartest."
In the morning they woke up and the first blonde turned into a brunette, second black and the third one had become a man.

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

After watching that imbecile on television who claims to know what common household pets are thinking, it was decided that we too, would do the impossible...Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."Goldfish "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"Dog "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"Goldfish "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"Parrot "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HELL NO!"Cat "Why are these people in my house?"Dog "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."Goldfish "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"Cat "I wish he would stop kicking me down the more...