Goldfish Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Dog "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."
Goldfish "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"
Dog "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"
Goldfish "The wimp-ass knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"
Parrot "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HECK, no!"
Dog "Human legs that just tease."
Cat "Why are these people in my house?"
Dog "What the... HEY!!! Where are my balls?!?"
Goldfish "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"