Gorbachev Jokes

Here's a joke my uncle told me:
Through some cosmic fluke, Reagan, Thatcher, and Gorbachev all died on
the same day. Off they went to the gates of Heaven. Peter, seeing that
these were all VIPs, sent them straight off to the Almighty.
God, sitting on his throne, called up Reagan.
"Ronald, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
"I tried to improve the US economy," replied Reagan, "and I did my best to
benefit the nation."
"Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my right hand."
And so Reagan sat at his right.
God then called up Gorbachev.
"Mikhail, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
"I tried to make Soviet society more open," replied Gorbachev, "and I did
my best to improve the Soviet economy."
"Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my left hand."
And so Gorbachev sat at his left.
God then called up more...

From London Times via Car and Driver:
Comrade Gorbachev is being driven from his dacha to Moscow and
is in a hurry. He is getting irritated with the slowness of his
driver. "Can't you go any faster?" he says angrily. "I have to
obey the speed limits," says the driver.
Finally Gorbachev
orders the driver into the back and takes the wheel. Sure
enough a patrol car soon pulls them over. The senior officer
orders the junior to go write up the ticket. But the junior
officer comes back and says he can't give them a ticket, the
person in the car is too important.
"Well, who is it?" the senior officer asks.
"I didn't recognize him," says the junior
officer, "but Comrade Gorbachev is his chauffeur."
Raj Wall
Texas Instruments

The following jokes are from "No Laughing Matter" by Steven Lukes
of Oxford and Itzhak Gelnoor of Hebrew University of Jerusalem.
The selections are from the June 5, 1989 issue of Newsweek (review
by George F. Will).
Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
LB: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
HF: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs
meat today."
Deng Xiaoping tells Gorbachev that three demands must be met before
relations can improve. First, China wants 100 million tons of coal.
"Agreed," says Gorbachev. And 20 new ships. "Done," says Gorbachev.
And a million bicycles. "Impossible," says Gorbachev. "But why?"
asks Deng. "Because," says Gorbachev, "the Poles don't make bicycles."
Khrushchev says to Zhou Enlai, "The difference between the more...

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992's parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.
Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. "Who are they?" he asked.
"Ah," said Yeltsin, "those are our economists!"
"But I thought this parade was military..." said Clinton, more...

Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.