Gorgeous Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jim stepped into the elevator only to be greeted by the President of the company who was about in his mid-nineties. Accompanying him was a gorgeous, blonde bombshell in a tightfitting red dress. Poor Jim couldn't keep his eyes off her but tried hard not too look as she was kissing and hanging all over the Pressie.
She left the elevator, and Jim now alone with the Big Bossman himself tokk the opportunity to ask: "Excuse me, sir," Jim said, "but who is that gorgeous, blonde bombshell slobbering all over you?"
"That's my new wife," he says.
"But sir!!! At your age, sex can kill"
So the president answers, "Well, if she dies, she dies."

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, “You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much. ”
The woman says, “Okay. Give me a nice house. ”
The genie replies, “You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two. ”
The the lady says, “Give me a gorgeous man. ”
The genie replies, “You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two. ”
The lady says, “For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it. ”

A Newfie man goes out on the town, stops in at a bar. He spots a gorgeous looking blonde and trys to pick her up.
The blonde says "sorry, I'm not that way inclined" and points to a gorgeous looking brunnette sitting across from her at the bar. The blonde goes on to tell the Newfie all the lovely sexual things she would like to do with the Brunette.
At this point the Newfie starts to cry and the blonde asks "what's wrong with you?". The Newfie responds "I think I just found out I'm a Lesbian too!"

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, the two priests went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare but when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning, Father; good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned - how in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day, the two priests went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them more...

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation. Wanting to make sure this would be a real vacation, they decided they wouldn't wear anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some very outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals and sunglasses.
The next morning, they dressed in their 'tourist' garb and went to the beach. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and scenery when a 'drop dead' gorgeous woman in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't keep themselves from staring. As she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, and then continued on her way.
They were both stunned and couldn't understand how she could possibly recognize them as priests.
The following day, they returned to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Outfits so loud you could hear them coming before you even more...

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.
"I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his butt off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?""Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.