Grizzly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A greenhorn visiting Alaska was talking to two old sourdoughs. They informed him he was a cheechako. The greenhorn asked how he could become a sourdough.The two sourdoughs winked at each other, and told him he had to do three things. First, he had to pee in the Yukon River. Second, he had to wrestle with a grizzly bear. And last, he had to make love to an Athabascan Indian woman."No problem," said the cheechako, and off he went. He hired himself a guide, and soon had dispatched his first duty. Then they found the grizzly bear.The cheechako chased the bear into a cave. The most awful roaring and screaming emitted from that cave, along with blood and fur.Finally, the cheechako staggers out of the cave. "Okay," he said to the guide. "Where's that Indian woman I'm supposed to wrassle!"

There were 3 guys, 2 smart ones, and a dumb one. They were all going hunting. The first smart guy went out and came back with a huge grizzly bear.
The dumb guy asked him "How did you get that huge Grizzly bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave and shot the bear."
Then the second smart guy went out and came back with a huge black bear.
The dumb guy asked him, "How did you get that huge black bear?"
The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and shot the bear.
So the dumb guy went out and came back all bloody and cut up.
The smart guys said, "What happened to you?"
The dumb guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and got hit by a train."

There were 3 guys, 2 smart ones, and a dumb one. They were all going hunting. The first smart guy went out and came back with a huge grizzly bear. The dumb guy asked him "How did you get that huge Grizzly bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave and shot the bear." Then the second smart guy went out and came back with a huge black bear. The dumb guy asked him, "How did you get that huge black bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and shot the bear. So the smart guy went out and came back all bloody and cut up. The smart guys said, "What happened to you?" The dumb guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and got hit by a train."

Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second biologist gives him a puzzled look and says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? We both know you can't outrun a full-grown grizzly bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"

Q: Do you know how to catch a polar bear with peas?
A: First, go out onto the edge of a frozen lake and cut a big hole in the ice. Then you place a circle of peas around the rim of the hole, and hide behind a nearby tree. When a polar bear comes to take a pea, jump out behind him and kick him in the ice-hole.
Q: How do you tell a brown bear from a grizzly bear?
A1: Climb a tree. If the bear climbs it and eats you, it’s a brown bear.
A2: If the bear knocks the tree down and eats you, it’s a grizzly.
Q: Which bear did not get wet?
A: The dribear.
Q: Which bear saw the accident?
A: The neighbear.
Q: Which bear came out of the car safely?
A: The surbibear.
Q: Which bear fixed the car?
A: The Macguybear.
Q: what's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
A: a molar bear!

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fishing and Gaming is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. The department has posted the following notice:
We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle any bears.
We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoors men should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

George was very excited about his new rifle and decided to go bear hunting. He quickly spotted a small brown bear, took aim and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw standing before him a large black bear.
"You have two choices," the black bear said. "Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
George decided to bend over. Although he was quite sore for a couple of weeks, he soon recovered and vowed revenge. Heading out on another trip, he found the black bear and shot it. Again, there was a tap on his shoulder. This time it was a huge grizzly bear that stood before him.
"That was a big mistake, George. You have two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have really rough sex," growled the grizzly.
Feeling that it would be much safer to comply, George bent over. Although he survived it, this time it took him several months before he finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed more...