Groom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Preparing for her wedding night, the bride-to-be asked her mother to go out and buy her a sexy, long, black negligee and place it carefully in her suitcase so it wouldn't get wrinkled. Her mother forgot, so at the last minute dashed out, but all she could find was a short pink nighty. She bought it, rushed home and quickly threw it in her daughter's suitcase.
After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very self-conscious so he asked his bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got himself ready for bed.
Agreeing, the bride went into the bathroom, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in it. "Oh no," she shrieked, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
"Honey, you promised not to peek!" the groom exclaimed.

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.The judge says, 'OK.''Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after more...

A newlywed couple returned from their honeymoon and moved into the upstairs apartment they had rented from the groom's parents.
That night, the groom's mother woke her husband up. "Honey, listen!" she whispered. He listened and could hear the bed upstairs creaking in rhythm.
"Come on, honey! Let's make love," she said. So, he climbed on top of his wife and the two of them made love.
Just as he was trying to fall back to sleep, the bed upstairs began to creak in rhythm again. "Come on, honey!" his wife said. "Let's make love again."
Once again, he climbed on top of his wife and made love to her as hard as he could.
As he was trying to fall back to sleep about 15 minutes later, again the bed upstairs began to creak in rhythm. "Come on, honey!" urged his wife. "Let's do it again!"
He grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling as he yelled, "Kids! Please! Cut it out! You're killing your old man down more...

When the young groom came to bed on his wedding night, he was surprised to find a large padlocked chest at the foot of the bed.
"What's that for?" he asked his wife.
She wouldn't tell him, saying only that the contents were a secret she could never share with him. Reluctantly her gallant husband honored her privacy and considered the odd matter closed.
Years passed, and finally, on their fiftieth wedding anniversary, the husband's curiosity got the best of him. He approached his wife and literally begged her to tell him what was inside the chest. Gazing into his pleading eyes, she smiled and agreed to open the chest.
Fetching the key, she raised the lid: Inside were two ears of corn and fifty thousand dollars.
"Corn?" said the surprised old man. "What in heaven's name is that for?"
"Well," his wife confessed, "every time I cheated on you I put an ear of corn in the chest."
The man looked from his wife more...

Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.
Besides "Help Me", other possible message to write on the soles are (with varying degrees of cruelness): Left Shoe (I'm With) Right Shoe (Stupid [pointing arrowhead]); Left Shoe (Quick, Call 911!) Right Shoe (Never Mind, I'm Doomed!)

AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:- Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.- Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.- When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is.- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.- A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.- For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nice appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.