Grows Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel? Lumpy milkshakes! What is the definition of a goose? An animal that grows down as it grows up! Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep? She had a crook with her! What do you give a pony with a cold? Cough Stirrup! What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on? A horse! What happens when geese land in a volcano? They cook their own gooses! What do you call a pig with no clothes on? Streaky bacon! What is a horse's favorite sport? Stable tennis! What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk? An udder failure! What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment!
Cesium Glows
(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.
Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,
Just take a bite if you want to die young.
I want to see what's never been seen,
I want to dream that Cesium dream.
Come on love, we can glow together,
Let's eat it all right now.
Take a bite right now.
I want to lie in a hole in the ground,
Six feet deep, and twelve feet' round.
Sky blue light around me shinin',
Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when its on your tongue.
Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,
Gimme a spoon' cause I wanna die Young.
---Songs of Cesium #109
What grows on the World Wide Web and stings? Internettles.
A head rolls into a bar.
It says to the guy sitting at the bar, "Hey bud, can you put me up on the bar?"
So the guy picks the head up and puts it on the bar. The head says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer with a straw in it!"
So the bartender gives the head the drink and the head drinks it down. Suddenly he grows two arms.
The head says, "Wow! This beer works magic, gimme another!"
So the bartender gives him another drink, he drinks it down and grows two legs, and he says "Holy cow! now I have a full body!! Gimme another!"
The bartender complies, he drinks it, and explodes!
The moral of the story: Quit while your ahead.