Guam Jokes

Sent to me by a Guamanian friend...
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GUAM
Tis the night before Christmas
and Santa's relaxed.
Guam's surf is up-
Santa's surf board is waxed.
The Zories are hung
by the Aircon with care,
And the Kiddies all know
Santa soon will be there.
Once the tide goes out,
and he's through "hangin' ten"
He'll stop to see Barbara,
and Charlie, and Ben.
A snack's been prepared
by Becky and Sam.
It's that old island favorite:
Tortillas and Spam.
After giving out presents,
for his surfboard he'll reach.
Santa's parting remark will be
"Back to the Beach!"
He'll join all those tourists
who visit for fun.
When it comes to vacations,
he says, "Guam's number one!"
And you'll hear him exclaim
'ere he boogies away:
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all, "Hafa Adai!"

Most Middle Eastern countries recognise the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is more...

Sent to me by a Guamanian friend. ..
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GUAM
Tis the night before Christmas
and Santa's relaxed.
Guam's surf is up--
Santa's surf board is waxed.
The Zories are hung
by the Aircon with care,
And the Kiddies all know
Santa soon will be there.
Once the tide goes out,
and he's through "hangin' ten"
He'll stop to see Barbara,
and Charlie, and Ben.
A snack's been prepared
by Becky and Sam.
It's that old island favorite:
Tortillas and Spam.
After giving out presents,
for his surfboard he'll reach.
Santa's parting remark will be
"Back to the Beach!"
He'll join all those tourists
who visit for fun.
When it comes to vacations,
he says, "Guam's number one!"
And you'll hear him exclaim
'ere he boogies away:
Merry Christmas to all,
And to all, "Hafa Adai!"

Here we are on Guam.
Without a hope of snow.
But though the spreading palms.
A typhoon sure can blow.
Santa Clause will know,
What the tropics will allow.
Instead of riding eight reindeer,
He'll ride a carabao.

Chorus:
Ohh, Jungle Bells, coconut shells,
Sticker burrs all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a two wheeled carabao sleigh.

Be watchful everyone
He'll send a telegram,
That today he'll be on Guam.
Send out by Uncle Sam
Santa will be here
To see what you have done
So let's all greet him. Ha! Ha! Ha!
And join him in the fun.

REAL ANSWERS FROM EARTH SCIENCE EXAMS
The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants.
Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic.
The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease.
We don't have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don't have oceans on Guam.
Erie, Pennsylvania has no volcanoes because it's too cold there.
The most important agent of landscape formation on Guam is greyhounds - they are intelligent.
We know that the sun is much farther away from us than the moon is, because we can see stars between us and the sun, but not between us and the moon.
The rear end of a trilobite is called a trilobutt.