Guards Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three women are about to be executed for crimes they committed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…” Suddenly the brunette yells, “Earthquake! ” Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…” The redhead then screams, “Tornado! ” Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did and knew exactly what she needed to do. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…”
The blonde shouts, “Fire! ”

Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to escape, the brunette jumps up on the wall and then jumps in the bushes on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see what the noise was so the brunette says, "meow meow." The guards say, "Don't worry it was just a cat." So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, "meow meow." The guards say, "oh never mind, just another cat..." So then its the blonde's turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off, and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all the noise is, so the blonde says, "Don't Worry, its just Another Cat!!"

Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

Three women are about to be executed.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The blonde shouts, more...

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready. . . Aim. . . "

The blonde shouts, more...

Prisoners in an Indonesian jail escaped after blinding guards with a liquid laced with fiery chili peppers, a police official said Tuesday. The guards didn't mind the homemade pepper spray, but said, "Shoving the ginger and lemongrass up our ass, was a bit excessive."