Guy Jokes / Recent Jokes
There's three men,
one singhala, one tamil, and one stupid white guy,
looking for the famous genie in the lamp.
Somewhere they find this lamp.
Upon rubbing it,
the genie comes out and grants the three men,
three wishes--one for each.
Since we all know white people rule the world,
the genie first asked the stupid white guy
for his wish.
Whitey thought and thought and thought
and finally said, "Let the other two go first."
Since white people rule the world, the genie obeyed.
Since S come before T,
he asked the Singala guy for his wish.
"I want one of the stupidest wars in history
to stop," said the singhala guy.
The Genie replied, "Wish granted."
And so it was.
The singhala guy was wisked back home, happy.
Then the genie asked the tamil guy for his wish.
"I want the war in Lankava to end,"
the tamil guy said.
"The other guy more...
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I more...
Three american businessmen were on a trip to Saudi Arabia when they stumbled upon a harem filled with gorgeous girls. They went in and were getting really "friendly" with the harem-girls when the Sheik returned and caught them in the act.
He had them tied up and told them that they would each die in a manner befitting their professions.
"What is your profession?" He asked the first guy.
"I'm a policeman", he replied.
"His penis... Shoot it off!" the Sheik shreiked.
"You... What is your profession?" He then asked the second american.
"I'm a fireman.", he replied.
"His penis... Burn it off!" he bellowed.
The third guy simply stood there smiling.
"Why are you smiling?... Never mind. What is your profession?", the Sheik asked.
He gingerly replied, "I'm a lollipop salesman".
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day.
So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Two guys in a jungle come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.
One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.
The second guy hisses: "What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion" And the first guy says: "No, but all I have to do is outrun you"!
A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river.
Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river.
Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?"
The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."