Habits Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits. "I get such a yen for a cigarette," said one, "that the only effective countermeasure is to pop a Life Saver into my mouth and suck hard." "That's fine for you," huffed her friend, "but I don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach!"

Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.
They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window.
After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?"
The nun replied, "Nah, don't you know old habits are hard to break?"

Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.
They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window.
After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?
The nun Replied, "Nah, don't you know old habits are hard to break!!

I wish women acted more like men sometimes. Men practice some good habits that women should really pick up on...
Like waking up hungover next to the fat person you regret fucking the night before.

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior
was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door,
strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" called one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replied a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug,
deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door. "Nice boobs," said the man. "Where do you want these blinds?"

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Two orthodox Jews went to Pincus the tailor for new suits. "Listen, Pincus," one said, "the last suits you made for us were sort of gray. We want black suits, the darkest black cloth that we can get."
"See this cloth?" Pincus said, fingering a bolt of fabric. "This is the stuff they make nuns' habits from. There ain't no blacker cloth."
A few weeks later, the two men were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed two nuns. Impulsively, one of the men went up to the nuns and matched his suit against their habits. Becoming angry, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked off.
"What did that man want?" one nund asked the other.
"I don't know," the second replied. "He looked at my garment, said something in Latin and left."
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'Pinkus Fucktus.'"