Habits Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept onpestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a packof cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health.
"The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages more...

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man "Where do you want the blinds?"

Seven habits that help produce the anything-but-efficient markets that rule the world by Paul Krugman in Fortune.
1. Think short term.
2. Be greedy.
3. Believe in the greater fool
4. Run with the herd.
5. Overgeneralize
6. Be trendy
7. Play with other people's money

College Habits To Bring Home Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door. Have your mom scan your ID card for meals. Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with. Walk two blocks to go to dinner. Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend's phone number. Dial 9 when calling out of your house. Use your calling card when calling your friends. Walk to the post office to get your mail. Yell "FLUSH!" Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush. Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you're in a stall. Take all your shower items to and from your room. Get dressed in the dark. Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine. Make junk food runs at 11: 30 at night. Make popcorn just because you miss the smell. Order pizza every Friday night. Have one of your friends spend the night because you can't sleep in a room by yourself. Move another bed, dresser, and desk into your room because there is too much extra space. more...

The Mother Superior had ordered the two nuns to paint a room at the convent, warning them that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After talking this over for a while, the two nuns decided that the safest thing to do would be to lock the door, remove their habits and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, they heard a knock at the door. "Yes, who's there?" asked one nun.
"Blind man," replied a voice from the other side of the door.
Deciding that no harm could come from allowing a blind man to enter the room, they opened the door.
The blind man stared at them in shock for a moment and then said, "Where would you like these blinds?"

Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.

They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window.

After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?

The nun Replied, "Nah, don't you know old habits are hard to break!!

The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes.
The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.
"Blind man," comes the reply.
The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door.
"Whoa, sister! Where do you want these blinds?"