Halftime Jokes

Prior to the Entrance Hymn, the pastors will toss a coin. The winner
may elect to be the preacher or celebrant; the loser may elect to defend
the pulpit or the lectern.
The Entrance Hymn: "A Multitude Comes from the East and West"
The Setting Forth of the Rules
Any acolyte found to be in illegal motion will be assessed a
5-yard penalty or the loss of one candle
Offering plates may only move laterally; only the Peace may
be passed.
The celebrant may fake a hand-off to the lay reader and read
the lessons himself, provided changes in audible signals are
given.
A sermon in excess of 18 minutes will be regarded as "Delay
of Service" and the preacher may lose possession of the pulpit.
Gate receipts may be gathered during the halftime show.
Ushers may blitz either the celebrant or the preacher only
during announcements.
Unconfirmed communicants (ineligible receivers) may be
restricted to more...

It was Superbowl Sunday for the animals, and the Elephants were playing the Cows. The whole first half of the game, the Elephants got their butts whipped. The cows were winning by a mile. By halftime, the Elephants were about ready to give up. But at the start of the second half, a new player ran on to the field. It was a Centipede! He was so fast the cows couldn't even get within five feet of him. In no time, the Elephants had twice as many points as the cows.
At the end of the game, the coach of the Elephants thanked the centipede for helping them win the Super Bowl. "But I just want to know, why didn't you come out until halftime?"
The centipede answered, "It took me that long to put my shoes on!"