Hallway Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man in a nursing home awoke one day and trundled down the hallway to the community breakfast room looking rather forlorn. Ms. Smith, a nurse, met him in the hallway. She greeted him smilingly and asked how he was this day. Mr. Jones allowed that not all was well; in fact, his penis had died during the night. Ms. Smith knew that Mr. Jones was occasionally a little off mentally, so she merely replied that she was sorry to hear the bad news and went on her way. The next morning Mr. Jones was on his way to breakfast again but on this day he was dressed in a coat and tie, and his penis was hanging out of his pants. Sure enough, he met Ms. Smith whereupon -- although somewhat startled -- she calmly reminded him that the day before he had told her his penis had died and asked why it was hanging out of his pants. Mr. Jones replied simply, "Today is the viewing."

John went to Dr. Smith because of intense migraine headaches.The doctor tried many things, but no relief. Finally, after many visits, the doc sat down and said, "You know, John, why don't you try something unusual. Why don't you do something that I always do when I have a headache like that. I phone my wife and tell her I'm coming home; she waits for me in the bedroom, with her blouse off, and I nestle my head between those two beautiful breasts and soon the headache disappears! You ought to try something like that-I don't know what else to do for you. It wouldn't hurt.""Well I might try something like that," said John.A month later, John is back in the clinic, seeing another doctor on another unrelated matter, and he and Dr. Smith pass each other in the hallway. "John!" says the doc, "Haven't seen you in a while! How's those headaches?""Great! They're all gone! Thanks for your advice!" said John."Hey, that's fantastic!" said more...

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "F%*& you!"

5) The fifth kind of sex is Public Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The computers were whirring; they never do stop.
The power was on and the temperature right,
In hopes that the input would feed back that night.
The system was ready, the program was coded,
And memory drums had been carefully loaded;
While adding a Christmasy glow to the scene,
The lights on the console, flashed red, white and green.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
The programmer ran to see what was the matter.
Away to the hallway he flew like a flash,
Forgetting his key in his curious dash.
He stood in the hallway and looked all about,
When the door slammed behind him, and he was locked out.
Then, in the computer room what should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer;
And a little old man, who with scarcely a pause,
Chuckled: "My name is Santa... the last name is Claus."
The computer was more...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

There are 5 categories of sex:
The first is Smurf Sex: This happens during the honeymoon, during which time you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex: This happens at the beginning of the marriage, when you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
The third is Bedroom Sex: You've calmed down a little, possibly have children, so you feel you'd better do it in the bedroom.
The fourth is Hallway Sex: This is where you pass each other in the hallway and utter the words, "Fuck you!!"
The fifth kind of sex is Courtroom Sex: This is when you get divorced and your spouse screws you right in front of everyone in the room.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel while
attending a technical seminar.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a
fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He
goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a
fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating
the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the
fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees
the fire and then the fire hose. He exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then
goes back to bed.