Hanging Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sam and Bessie are in their 80s. Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?""What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What's different?"Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, just wearing the new shoes. Again, "So, Bessie, do you notice anything different?""What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow."Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down? 'Cause it's looking at my new shoes!"Bessie replies, "You should have bought a hat."

An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for his client, Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door, his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak - pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang. His wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view more...

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"
"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants."
"What's different?" Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
"What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down again tomorrow."
Angrily, Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down?' Cause it's looking at my new boots!!"
Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"

Bob was at the bar one night having a few beers. He saw a sexy woman from across the room so he strolled over and greeted her. She rolled out from behind the table in a wheelchair! He didn't want to be a dick so he talked to her all night long. Later, he asked her if she needed a ride home. She replied with a yes. When they arrived to her house, she got out of the car and hobbled towards the tree, hanging on it by her arms. She said to Bob, "I want you to fuck me right now!" He gladly accepted. After they did the nasty, he carried her into the house and lied her down in her bed. On his way out, he was confronted by the handicapped girl's father, and thought that he was in big trouble. The girl's father said to Bob, "I just want to thank you, young sir." Bob replied confused, "For what? Fucking your daughter in the front yard tree?" The girl's dad said, "No, for bringing her back inside... everyone else leaves her hanging from the tree!"

Q: A one armed blonde is hanging from a tree. How can you make her fall?
A: You wave at her!

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?""Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.""What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women."Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"