Hanging Jokes / Recent Jokes

Heaven is getting to full so god makes up a new rule that the day u die has to be a bad one or u cant get into heaven. so a guy dies and god says 2 him u know the new rule what was ur day like and the man says well i came home only 2 find my wife lying naked on the bed and telling me shes been having an affair! whats more is that the guys shes having it with is still in the house! so i search the whole house looking for him and i finally go out onto the balcony and i see this guy naked hanging off our 25 story balcony so i jump on his fingers and he falls, but hes not dead so i throw out fridge on him, and it was all so much i had a heart attack and died
god says: thats a bad day u may enter
another guy dies and god says u know the rule what was ur day like and the guy says well i was having a shower and i walked out onto the balcony with my towel wrapped around me and i slipped i fell down onto my neighbours balcony below so im hanging by my fingertips off this 25 storey more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.
The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal in quite more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my more...

There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that was hanging down a cliff. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should let go because if they didnâ??t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette thought to herself â??Iâ??ll let go.â??
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would let go, all of the blondes started clapping.

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "Whats happened to this one?- I dont know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

Sam and Bessie are in their 80's and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"
Bessie responds, "What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants,"
Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out naked, just wearing the new shoes. Again he asks, "So, Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
Bessie again responds, "What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow,"
Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know WHY it's hanging down? Because it's looking at my new shoes! THAT's why it's hanging down!"
Bessie replies, "You should have bought a new hat!"