Hanging Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed.The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that ight that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. The choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and when they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happened a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free.The Torontonian was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.Next it was the Newfies turn. He said, "I'm afraid of needles and the electric chair won't work so I pick hanging."

Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would they bury the survivors?
A: you don`t bury survivors Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
A: `Each` is a mans name! Q: If there`s a frog, dead in the centre of a lilypad which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
A: neither, the frog is dead! Q: You`re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?
A: The same as yours, you`re the bus driver. Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
A: The sea! Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet... how come?
A: He was bald. Q: David`s father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight. ” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one. ” The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset? ”
So, the man begins his tale. “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, “Wow, this has never happened before. ” You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head more...

Q: What do you call two guys hanging on a wall by a window?
A: Kurt and Rod

A blonde was really depressed one day so she got some rope and went to the park to hang herself. Later on a man walks by and looks at this blonde hanging from a tree by her waist. The man askes her why she is hanging herself by her waist and she says.
I tried hanging myself by my neck but I couldnt breathe.

An elderly couple were vacationing in Texas. George had always wanted an authentic pair of cowboy boots, so when he saw some on sale one day, he bought a pair. Walking very proudly, he wore them home.
He walked into their room and said to his wife, "Notice anything different, Sarah?"
Sarah looked him over and replied, "Nope."
"Come on, Sarah," he said excitedly, "Take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"
Sarah looked him over again and replied, "Nope."
Frustrated, George stormed off into the bathroom, undressed, and walked back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asked, a little louder this time, "Now, do you notice anything different?"
Sarah looked up and said, "What's different, George? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, George screamed, "And do you have any idea why it's more...