Hanging Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them. "Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked. "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy. Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas. While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?" "That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father. "Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked. Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.
"Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked.
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy.
Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas.
While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?"
"That's the elephant's penis, son," explained the father.
"Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked.
Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didnt, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.

A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed off I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.

The man swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!" The bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighbourhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."

"Well, the woman says,' Oh my god, more...

There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that was hanging down a cliff. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should let go because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette thought to herself "I'll let go.

3 men were on the way to Heaven, but God would only let the man with the worst death in. The first man says, "Well, I was on the way to my apartment because I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So when I got to my apartment on the 3rd story, my wife was in the shower, but there was a guy hanging from a window sill. I step on his fingers, but he didn't budge. So I took a hammer and smashed his fingers so he fell, but wasn't dead. So I took the refrigerator and threw it down on him. I got a heart attack because it was the first time I killed someone."
The second man says, "I was climbing down the stairs of my apartment on the 4th story when I tripped, and I was hanging on a window sill. A guy comes, and steps on my fingers for no reason. I didn't want to fall, so I held on. But he took a hammer and smashed my fingers. Then I landed on bushes, so I was alive still. A refrigerator came out of nowhere and killed me."
The third man says, "How would you more...

Things not to Say When Hanging the Lights
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three
most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? Our psychiatrist
claims the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and
wallpapering. (He is rarely wrong on these things.)
We bring you this list of Things Not To Say When
Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.
"You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. You're supposed
to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."
"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
"What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away every year?
Tie them in knot?"
"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker."
"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw
them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your more...