Hanging Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "Hes going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "Hell always be just a good ol boy. When he walks in, Im sure all hell say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "Hes so smart, hell figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open.
A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right boob is hanging out."
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it "IS" hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Well, your boob is hanging out."
She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "Whats wrong?"The depressed one replied, "Ive been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away."The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

An old man in a nursing home awoke one day andtrundled down the hallway to the community breakfastroom looking rather forlorn. Ms. Smith, a nurse, methim in the hallway. She greeted him smilingly andasked how he was this day. Mr. Jones allowed that not all was well; in fact, hispenis had died during the night. Ms. Smith knew thatMr. Jones was occasionally a little off mentally, soshe merely replied that she was sorry to hear the badnews and went on her way. The next morning Mr. Jones was on his way to breakfastagain but on this day he was dressed in a coat andtie, and his penis was hanging out of his pants. Sureenough, he met Ms. Smith whereupon -- althoughsomewhat startled -- she calmly reminded him that theday before he had told her his penis had died andasked why it was hanging out of his pants. Mr. Jones replied simply, "Today is the viewing."

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.You've never paid for a haircut.You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".You've ever made change in the offering plate.

You might be a redneck if...
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off. ”
After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.