Harm Jokes

Our Rights: The following was written by State RepresentativeMitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA We, the sensible people of the United States, inan attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid anymoreriots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and securethe blessings ofdebt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one moretime to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths to be self-evident: ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never beoffended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but theworld is full of more...

The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by going "Beep Beep!"
No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products.
The Coyote could stop anytime - IF he were not a fanatic. "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim" - George Santayana.
No dialogue ever, except "Beep Beep!"
The road Runner must stay on the road - otherwise, logically, he would not be called Road Runner.
All Action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters - the Southwest American desert.
All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation.
Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures

Stay clear of the ejection port(s) both front and rear.
Beware of objects thrown from unit, both solid and liquid.
Please carry unit with care as handle placement is not optimum.
Use caution when dispensing fluids not to spill them on sensitive components of unit.
Do not drop unit as this may cause damage.
Do not submerge unit for extended periods of time.
Do not leave unit submerged while unattended as this may harm the unit.
Do not leave unit unattended in public places.
Do not expose unit to extreme temperatures.
Make sure to use proper approved restraints when transporting unit in a vehicle, i.e. no duct tape or string.
Make sure to fuel unit through proper opening.
Multiple units operating in close proximity may be hazardous to your health and mental well being.
Unit is delivered "as is" and may not be returned or exchanged. No warranty should be implied.
Software upgrades may be administered throughout the life of the more...

The musician Ted Nugent was being interviewed by a British radio show, and the liberal presenter was giving him a hard time about being a deer hunter.
"What do you think is going through that deer's head when you kill it?" she asks. "Don't you think it is wondering what it ever did to harm you, and why you are being so cruel?"
"No," replied Nugent, "I don't think their thoughts are that complex. A deer only wonders when it will eat next, when it will have sex next, and if it is fast enough to run away from whoever would harm it. In that way, they really aren't much different from the French."

We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko
bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just more...