Harry Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Heywood, Hugh, Harry!
Heywood, Hugh, Harry who?
Heywood Hugh Harry up and open this door!

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How much for a blow job? ". "Hundred Bucks". "OK", he said and began to jerk off. "What the hell are you doing that for?" "For hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy one, do you? "

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that`s awful!"

"You`re not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry, "Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?" Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said, "Sam, I'm really glad you saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

It was Christmas Eve. Harry and Shirley had returned from an enjoyable midnight mass at their local church. They arrived home and spent a short while relaxing by an open fire before retiring to bed.
Some time in the middle of the night they were awoken by heavy knocking on their front door. Harry was very unhappy about this. He went down stairs and noisily unlocked the door to be confronted by disheveled man who was obviously the worse for drink.
'Th'cuse me thur. Will you helpth me with a puth."
"Help you with a push!" said Harry. "You drunken idiot! Get away from my house before I call the police! Irresponsible people like you should be banned from driving!" And slammed the door into the man's face.
He went back to bed and was astonished to find himself being reprimanded by his wife.
"How could you be so mean and uncharitable." she said. "Surely this evening's sermon must still be ringing in your ears. How the more...

After Christmas Tom and Harry were at work talking about what they bought thier wives for Christmas.
Tom says "I got my wife a 3 carat diamond ring and a brand new BMW".
Harry asked "if you got her a 3 carat diamond ring then why did you get a BMW".
"So if she didn't like the ring I knew that she would like the BMW" said Tom, "well what did you get your wife?"
Harry replies "well I got her a pair of flip flops and a dildo".
Tom laughs and askes "why did you get her a dildo?"
"Well so if she didn't like the flip flops she could go screw herself"

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Harry!
Harry who?
Harry up and answer this door! !