Haven Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Where's your pencil, Bud?" the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain. "I ain't got one, Sir." "You're in England.now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil." "Gee!" said Bud. "Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by."

I Found this on another website, it is soooo true =D
You call your dog Shinji and your cat Neko.
You perform a canon ball dive into a pool while yelling "Spirit Bomb!"
Your house has an anime room.
You and your friends flash peace signs and take girlish poses when you are happy.
You get an anime tattoo. Even though you're scared of needles.
Your walls are covered in wall scrolls and posters from your favorite series.
If you use the term 'Kawaii' for describing everything.
You try to convince your girlfriend that 'cat ears' and 'tail' really looks good on them.
You can sing songs from your favorite shows, in Japanese, even though you don't speak Japanese...
You spent hours looking through your library for a copy of "The Universe of Four Gods"
You have legally changed your name to that of your favorite character.
You wear a necklace and fall down every time someone says sit boy.
You insist on having an entrance that more...

Signs You've Had Enough Of The 90's

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you fancy going down the pub? " and they reply "Yeah, give me 5 minutes".

5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.

6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.

7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

8. You consider The Postal Service painfully slow or call it "snail mail".

9. Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes.

10. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone more...

Signs you've had too much of the 90's! You try to enter your password on the microwave. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?" You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. And finally... You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!

Now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.
I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.
If you would do this for me no one would ever know.
I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would.
I am very desperate and I need your help.
You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.
I am not going to beat around the bush any longer, so -
Do you have a piece of gum?

---------------------- BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER AND TASTIER, TOO. ---------------------- FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software. ---------------------- I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. ----------------------- I can't dial911. There's no 11 on my phone. ------------------------ Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names. ----------------------- JESUS LOVES YOU. It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass. ----------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was, "Always". ----------------------- What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? ------------------------ Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded firestation? ------------------------ It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. ------------------------ If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? ------------------------ 1955 - 1975: 36 Elvis Movies. 1975 - more...

A man admitted in to a hospital run by nuns for surgery. After the surgery he was handed over a huge bill to be paid.
The man went to the manager who too was a nun and told her that he couldn't afford to pay this bill. "I haven't got so much money" he said.
The manager nun asked him " haven't you got a family?"
He responded "no, I don't have any other family or relatives except a sister who too is a nun, a spinster like you".
The nun was not happy at his comment and told him
"we are not spinsters, we are married to Jesus".
"Is that so, the man responded, "you mean my sister too is married to Jesus, then please send the bill to my brother in law".