Hawaii Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.
The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine the entire pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes and then told the more...

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again." Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me!"

There was a guy walking down the street in San Fransisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thaught it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt. *POOF* A genie popped out of his pocket!
The very angry looking Genie said, "Alright, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and' cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!"
The suprised man said, " OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii."
The genie replied with a smirk, " Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen."
The man more...

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. .. click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

Idaho, Hawaii, Kentucky, Mississippi, and North Dakota have been regarded as being the states with the weakest animal protection laws, resulting in the highest rates of animal cruelty.
In related news, Idaho, Hawaii, Kentucky, Mississippi, and North Dakota have been ranked the top states for having the tastiest barbeques.

A Jewish man and his wife were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, though...
"It's 'Hawaii' I'm telling you!" she said.
"Oy! I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation...
As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man. The husband abruptly stopped the wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and I. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'"
"This is Havaii," the man replied.
"Ha!" the husband said, turning to his wife, "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me? I'm alllll-ways right!"
As the began to walk away, he turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"
"You're Velcome!!!"

A man was walking down the beach one day and tripped over a bottle. Out popped a
Genie!
Then Genie says, "I will grant you one wish."
After a minute of pondering the guy says, "I would like you to make me a bridge
from here to Hawaii because I hate to fly and I don't like boats."
The Genie says, "My God, you know how long it will take for me to grant that
wish? How many people it will take to build it? Make any other wish in the world
except that one."
The guy thinks, then says, "I would really like to understand how a woman's mind
works."
The Genie replies, "Would that be two lanes or four?"