Hawaii Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Jewish man and his wife were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, though...
"It's 'Hawaii' I'm telling you!" she said.
"Oy! I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation...
As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man. The husband abruptly stopped the wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and I. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'"
"This is Havaii," the man replied.
"Ha!" the husband said, turning to his wife, "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me? I'm alllll-ways right!" As the began to walk away, he turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"
"You're Velcome!!!"

A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle. He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out. The genie says that he will grant him one wish. 'Well, I'd like to go to Hawaii. But, I'm afraid of flying and I don't like the idea of going in a boat. So, I wish there was a bridge from here to Hawaii.' says the man. 'That's impossible!' says the genie. 'You'll have to make another wish.' 'Ok, I want to know how to be a successful computer programmer.' says the man. 'How many lanes do you want on that bridge?' asks the genie.

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four more...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I `m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I `ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I `m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That `s impossible. think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete. . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I `ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don `t care and that I `m insensitive. So, I wish more...

A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up.
Immediately, a genie pops out and replies, "Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."
The guy says, "I`ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can`t because I`m too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So... I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."
"I`m sorry," the genie says, "But I don`t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved... think of the huge pilings we`d need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed.

Plus, since it`s such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."
"Well, there is one other thing I`ve always wanted," the guy replies. "I`d like to more...

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha`ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn`t see anyone so he opened it.
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I`m afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don`t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. more...