Hear Jokes / Recent Jokes

Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life! " she announces to the surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don't want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like that of an 18 year old." The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation. "But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows about this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!" "I swear Liz" the surgeon replies. The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text book perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining consciousness, Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at the foot of her bed. As the surgeon enters the room to more...

Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover".

Did you hear about the bear hunter? Well, he was out hunting for bears one day, and soon came across a large, trophy sized bear. He raised his rifle and took careful aim. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the bear turned and began to speak to him! "Isn't it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let's negotiate the matter," said the bear. Lowering his rifle in shock, the hunter thought a second, and then replied, "I want a fur coat."

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come
across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a
bath.
She tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake.
The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too. Snow
White relents and says, "When I get into the water and you hear the splash,
you can turn around."
Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very
moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can. The
moment the Dwarfs hear the splash, they turn around and see Snow
White naked.
Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being
advertised?
Scroll down for the answer.
Scroll down for the answer.
Come on now, this should be easy for a person of your mental powers!
Keep scrolling down.
Seven Up

I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla. I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I heard that your brother was an only child. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobody’s fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame! I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!
Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas.
Paranoia: Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me.
Mania: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town.
Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!
Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock
Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of more...