Heavens Jokes / Recent Jokes
St Peter is standing at heavens gate when a man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.""Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."A few moments later a second man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.""Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."A few moments later a third man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a Military Policeman, Sir.""Excellent my more...
the local vicar and a villager are having a game of golf and the villager gets to put and misses and goes damm missed the buger
and the vicar says if you say that again god will open up the heavens and strike u dead with a lightning bolt the village goes to strike again and misses and goes damm missed the buger the heavens opened up and a lightning bolt struck the vicar and god says damm missed the buger.
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What’s the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I’m just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a ‘woman’ for you."
"What’s a ‘woman, ’ Lord?"
"This ‘woman’ will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to more...
A priest and a drunk man were playing golf together. The priest told the drunk to tee off first. The drunk swings and, of course, misses. "Damn, I missed!" he says.
The priest tells the drunk to watch his language. The drunk tells the priest to just shut up, swings again, and misses again. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.
The priest says, "If you say that again, the heavens are going to part and God will strike you down!"
The drunk just shrugs and swings again, missing badly. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.
Suddenly, the heavens part and a lightning bolt strikes... the priest. Then a loud, booming voice says, "DAMN, I MISSED!"
In the beginning, God's alarm clock went off at 7: 00 a. m. God got out of bed, said, "I hate Mondays!" Then he created the heavens and the earth.
God said, "Let there be light!" and there was light, and God saw that it was good. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And that was Tuesday.
And God said, "Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let dry land appear," and it was so. And because he had some time before quitting time and he had to look busy, God added some grass and trees and stuff. That was Wednesday, and God was glad to be past Hump day.
On Thursday, God was already thinking about what he was going to do that weekend, so he didn't get much done, just some lights in the heavens to rule the seasons, and a few stars.
And God said, "Thank Me it's Friday!" He created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth more...