Hero Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

1. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

1. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

1. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

1. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

1. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to more...

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink....he notices thatat the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has everseen....he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must haveher....He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has anySpanish-fly in the back....the bartender says he will check and comesback a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder....hesays to the man..."this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....butthis is just as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to gether over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!" so the manforks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into achampagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with hiscompliments... The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero ratherdisinterestedly... but about twenty minutes later she slinks off herbarstool....she saunters across the room toward our hero in a more...

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during more...

Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kidd. He dreamed of being just like his hero. One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols. He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting.

After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off. He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kidd. He was so excited! He walked up and said, "Mr. Kidd, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you. Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?"

Billy looked him over and said, "Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you more...

Marriage Quotes 3
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Sacha Guitry
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. - Sacha Guitry
The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. - Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - Katherine Hepburn
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katherine Hepburn
Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. - Oliver more...

Overused plot lines:

Post-cataclysmic rag-tag armies struggle to kick the Rooskies out of the good ol' US of A.

Post-cataclysmic rag-tag armies struggle to survive against gangs of bandits, mutants, cyberpunks, bikers, etc.

The rag-tag rebel army/fleet struggles valiantly to overthrow the Evil Empire.

The Good Guys travel through time to stop a historical Bad Guy, usually Hitler.

The Bad Guy travels through time to kill the Hero in his childhood, or prevent him from ever being born.

The Chronocops travel in time to catch a Bad Guy who escaped into some other era.

Scientists work feverishly to develop a cure for the Supervirus or a weapon to stop the Invincible Bad Guys.

An alien:

Is stranded on earth;

Befriends a human child or falls in love with an earth gal;

Is pursued by shadowy malevolent Pentagon officials under the pretense of national more...

10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight

9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill treats her.

8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of confronting her father and finally winning him over.

7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her with evil intentions.

6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have taken due care.

5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)

4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group shot.

3. The Hero's more...