Hero Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once, in a village in Punjab, there lived two identical brothers. They looked very much alike in every respect and the villagers often had trouble distinguishing between them.
Unfortunately, one of them died. Hasmukh, our hero, a jatt, decided to visit the grief-stricken family and console them. Now, there was a problem. HAsmukh was not sure which of the brothers had died.
Our ever-resourceful hero solved the problem ingeniously. He walked upto the surviving sibling and asked amidst tears - "Is it you who is dead or is it your Brother? "

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back.
Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.
So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he more...

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Sacha GuitryWhen a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha GuitryAn ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. - Sacha GuitryThe marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. - Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - Katherine HepburnSometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katherine HepburnBigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. - Oliver HerfordWedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. - John more...

Herewith is a compendium of movie clichés, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopworn conventions and outdated archetypes. The author says that as you go to enough different movies, you start to notice things. Like how every time there's a chase scene in an exotic locale, a fruit cart gets overturned. Or how whenever the hero knocks out a Nazi sentry and puts on his uniform, the uniform is a perfect fit. Or how there are plots that would be over in five minutes, if all characters weren't idiots. Actress Inferior Position - In movie sex scenes, which are usually directed by men, the POV (Point of View) at the moment of climax is almost always the man's, so that we see the actress, not the actor, losing control. AC-WAT-NOBI Movie - A Cop With A Theory No One Believes In. Against All Odds Rule - In an apparently fatal situation from which there is no possible hope of survival, it is certain the characters will survive. In a situation where there is any apparent chance more...

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss more...

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help. Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah! " and "Awright, man! " were among the many congratulations shouted. The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" more...

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental. The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building. Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building. The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking. He responded by saying, "Because I pack my own lunch."