Hicks Jokes / Recent Jokes
"We're still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week - all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she's not there for cease-fire. No, she's there for 'sustainable cease-fire,' which considering the Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn." -Stephen Colbert
"Yesterday Condoleezza Rice went into President Bush's office and said, 'I'm off to Lebanon.' And President Bush said, 'Vacation?'." -Jay Leno
"Saddam Hussein has been on a hunger strike for seventeen days. They had to nurse him back to health with a feeding tube to get him healthy enough so he can go back on trial. And then be put to death. It is an odd thing. Two years ago, we were dropping ten thousand pound bombs on the guy. Now we're feeding him nutrients through a tube. No wonder he's confused." -Jimmy Kimmel
"This more...
Q: How many hicks from Manassas, VA does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to do it and the other three to sit around and talk about how good the old one was.
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench.
The fisherman couldn't eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town.
The Mayor wasn't sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.
So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench.
No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition.
So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read:
ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!
Churchill's grandmother, the Duchess of Marlborough had this to say on the arrival of her grandson:' I have myself given birth to quite a number of infants. They were all pretty vocal when they arrived, but such an earth shaking noise as this newborn baby made I have never heard.'
The genuineness of Churchill's joke about Sir Alfred Bossom's entry into the House has never been questioned.' Bossom? he said,' What an extraordinary name; neither one thing nor the other.'Sir William Joyson Hicks made some statements in Parliament to which Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of Great Britain gave signs of demurring.' I see my right honourable friend shakes his head,' said Hicks,' but I am only expressing my own opinion.'
'And I', answered Winston,' am only shaking my own head.'
Once when his racehorse, Colonist II, finished fourth, Churchill had his own excuse. He said that he had a serious talk with the horse just before the race.' I told him this is a very big more...