Hill Jokes / Recent Jokes

When you're 47 years old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside you that says: "Just because you've reached middle age, that doesn't mean you shouldn't take on new challenges and seek new adventures. You get only one ride on this crazy carousel we call life, and by golly you should make the most of it."This is the voice of Satan.I know this because recently, on a mountain in Idaho, I listened to this voice, and as a result my body feels as though it has been used as a trampoline by the Budweiser Clydesdales.I am currently on an all-painkiller diet. "I'll have a black coffee and 250 Advil tablets" is a typical breakfast order for me these days.This is because I went snowboarding.For those of you who, for whatever reason, such as a will to live, do not participate in downhill winter sports, I should explain that snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.These are of course young people, fearless more...

These two police officers were traveling through the upper mid-west one February when it started to snow. The wind was blowing and it was very cold.
One of the cops spotted a light on the hill next to the road and said, "That looks like a farm up there, lets go up and see if we can get out of this blizzard."
The other one agrees and up the hill they go. When they get to the farm they find a real nice lady, explain to her that they are law enforcement officers, and they ask if they can stay in the barn until the storm blows over.
The lady explains that she is a widow with this nice comfortable 3 bedroom house and it won't be necessary to stay in the barn since they are police officers, as there is plenty of room in the house. So the two cops settle in and the widow cooks up a nice dinner and after watching some television everyone turns in.
The next morning they find the roads are clear and after a nice big breakfast the two officers thank the widow for more...

Two guys were traveling through the upper mid-west one February when it started to snow. Being guys, of course they pressed on even when road conditions were totally white-out, and they ended up in a ditch. Try as they might, they couldn't get the car un-stuck. One of the travelers spotted a light on the hill next to the road and said,' That looks like a farm up there, lets go up and see if we can get out of this blizzard.' The other guy agrees and up the hill they go.

When they got to the farm they found the occupant was a real nice lady and they asked if they can stay in the barn until the storm blows over, and they can dig their car out. The lady invites them in and makes them some hot coffee, as clearly they're very chilled.. During the conversation over the warm brew, they learn that she is a widow, living alone.

After several cups of coffee, she announces that she sees no reason for such nice guys to sleep in the barn when she has this big empty comfortable more...

There were these two boys who were late for school one day. And the first boy walked into the classroom and the teacher said why are you late he said because I was on Mayberry Hill. So the second boy walks in and the teacher says why are you late and he says because I was on Mayberry Hill. Then this new girl comes in and the teacher says whats your name and then she says my name is Mayberry Hill.

A man and his dog were walking along a road.

The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble.

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" The man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have more...

The Irish man, the Scottish man and the English man climb up a hill.
At the top of the hill they meet a wizard who says:
"If you slide down this hill and say what ever you want, you get it!"
So the Irish man tries it out and he slides down and shouts:
"Gold!" And he lands in a pile of gold.
Then the Enlgish man tries it out and he slides down and shouts:
"Silver!" And he lands in a pile of silver.
After that the Scottish man tries it out and he slides down and shouts:
"Whee!" And he lands in a puddle of wee.

Duncan, the Scottish shipping magnate had returned to his hometown of Glasgow with a client, and they were walking on the shore while the ship was being loaded. Duncan stopped on a hill in a field near the city, pointed to a tree at the base of the hill, said "It was under that tree that I lost my virginity to a wonderful girl."

The client was impressed, mentioned that it must have a very special place in his heart. Duncan nodded, then said, "It was right here on this hill that the girl's mother stood while I lost my virginity that night."

The client was unbelieving. He said, "You mean to tell me that this woman just stands here and watches you and her daughter going at it down there?"

Duncan nods. The client says, "Well, what'd she say?"

Duncan says, "Baaa."