Hillary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hillary Clinton is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can't believe this has happened.
She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!!
How could you???!!!
I can't believe this has happened!
I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!!
How could you???
Well, what have you got to say???"
There is nothing but silence on the phone.
She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!!
She finally hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.
In a barely audible whisper he says, "Who is this?"

Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet? A: They were dating the same girl in high school.

Hillary Clinton is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can't believe this has happened.She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!! How could you???!!! I can't believe this has happened! I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! How could you??? Well, what have you got to say???"There is nothing but silence on the phone.She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!! She finally hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.In a barely audible whisper he says, "Who is this?"

"Hillary Clinton's book hits the stores this Monday. Oh boy, it took her a long time to write it. But in her defense, every time she tried to use the desk, Bill was always using it for a date."?
- Jay Leno

"Hillary's got this huge book, it's a memoir of her life and times at the White House. In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said."
- David Letterman

Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton were in the sauna naked when Bill looked down at Jesse's dick and exclaimed "Wow Jesse, your dick is huge! How do you get it so big?" and Jesse says "Well Bill, every night before I go to sleep I take it out and slam my dick across the headboard of my bed and it gets bigger and stays that way."

That night Bill and Hillary were laying in bed and Hillary gets up and goes to the bathroom. Bill remembers what Jesse said about making his dick larger and Bill thinks this is a great time to try it. So He gets up, takes his dick out and starts banging it across the headboard. Just then Hillary yells out from the bathroom "Is that you Jesse?"

Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning when she came across a little boy who had a box of newborn puppies. After stopping and introducing herself, Hillary asked the little boy what kind of puppies they were.
"They're Democrats," the little boy replied.
Hillary was very pleased to hear this and when she got home she told her husband what had happened.
A week or so later, Bill was out jogging and came across a little boy carrying a box puppies. Recalling what Hillary had told him, Bill went up to the little boy and asked, "Are these the puppies you showed my wife Hillary a week or so ago?"
"Yes, they are," answered the boy. "They're Republicans."
Surprised by the answer, Bill inquired, "I thought you had told my wife they were Democrats?"
"Yes, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open!"