Hired Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one monday morning, she noticed that his fly was open.

Upon leaving the room she said, "Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open."

He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was open. So, he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back into his office.

"By the way Miss Smith," he said, "When you noticed my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention? "

"Why no sir," she replied, "All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive rowing race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile! Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultants' finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing (Working) and eight people steering (Freeloading ). After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consulting firm concluded that too many were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. (i. e., US Government! !!) So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team's structure was complete reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three more...

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly."Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."

A 63-year-old man began digging a hole in his front yard after his gold detector reported a positive hit. He hired two men to help him. The hole ended up being 60 feet deep, and authorities stepped in to stop him. Now not only does he have to pay the two people he hired, he also has to hire and pay an engineer to fix the problem. It would have made a lot more sense to just buy the fuckin' gold.

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."

"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. more...

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an more...