Hockey Jokes / Recent Jokes
Your mom is like a hockey player because she doesn't change her pad for 3 periods.
Sarah Palin compared hockey moms to pit bulls, saying the difference is that "one wears lipstick". While hockey moms may wear lipstick, pit bulls rarely let their offspring get pounded without some protection.
Two boys are playing hockey on an inlet on a pond in suburban Chicago when one is attacker by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to the boy. "Young White Sox Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook."But I'm not a Sox fan," the little hero replied."Sorry, since we are in Chicago, I just assumed you were," said the reporter, and he began writing again."Cubs Fan Rescues Friends from Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook."I'm not a Cubs fan either," the boy said."I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Cubs or the Sox. What team do you root for?" inquired the reporter. "I'm a Yankees fan," the child responded.The reporter turned the page in his notebook and wrote "Little Brat from New York more...
It's legal to earn money playing hockey
Many people play hockey even after they're married
The puck's always hard
The protective equipment is reusable
It lasts at least an hour
A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
You always know how big the stick is
You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
You can change players on the fly
You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up
Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
Your parents cheer when you score
Periods last only 20 minutes
You're sure to get it at least twice a week
You can tell your friends about it afterwards
Here are some hockey player pick-up lines... which, I'm sure, have never been tried on them because they hang with a better class of male species... Enjoy...
"What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?"
"Look, my teeth spell out 'I love you' in block letters!"
"My other stick curves to the right"
"So this guy says he hates hockey players because they have no tact and are easily distracted, so I... Hey! Babe! Wanna do the nasty?"
"Bagy, yrrr so beurdiffle dat I feel I can be nacheral wif yoo."
"You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things."
"I said, 'Would you like a PUCK?'"
"You know, less teeth means more tongue!"
"I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Loraine."
"I only drool when I'm standing upright."
"Hi, I'm Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?"
"Well if I more...
Yo Mama is like a hockey team...changes her pads every three periods!