Hong Jokes / Recent Jokes
International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat. 2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. 3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. 4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily. 5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. 6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. 7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. 8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???). 9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream. 10. On the menu of a more...
If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and died. What would they put on his coffin? A lid!
Joe Smith starts another day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6: 00am While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking, he puts his hair dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in the Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico) how muck he can spend today. After setting his watch (made in Japan), to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Japan), and goes looking, ad he has been for months, for a good paying American job. At the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for awhile. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan) and once again ponders why he can't find a good paying American job.
The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:*I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
*Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
*Gun wounds again?
*Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
*A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
*Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
*Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
*Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
*Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
*I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
*You daring lousy guy.
*Beat him out of recognizable shape!
*Yah-hah, evil spider woman! i have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough examination.
*I have been scared silly too much lately.
*I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
*Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
*The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
*How can you use my intestines more...
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo French fried ships - Cairo Garlic Coffee - Europe Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe Boiled Frogfish - Europe Sweat from the trolley - Europe Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong Roasted duck let loose - Poland Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland Fried friendship - Nepal Strawberry crap - Japan Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam Toes with butter and jam - Bali French Creeps - L.A. Fried fishermen - Japan Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania Product Names Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues Kolic - Japanese mineral water Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer Swine - Chinese chocolates Libido - Chinese soda Pocari Sweat - Japanese sport drink Shocking - Japanese chewing gum Cat more...
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly rephrased):
Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.