Hong Jokes / Recent Jokes

A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. Gun wounds again? Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! How can you use my intestines as a gift? Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? Quiet or I'll blow your throat up. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! You daring lousy guy. Beat him out of recognizable shape! I have been scared sh*tless too much lately. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
And finally...
Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell,
As a shot rang her bell,
"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"

Why didnt King Kong go to Hong Kong? He didnt like Chinese food.

SCMP newspaper report in Hong Kong:
In a swindle people in Hong Kong are being invited to apply to act as testers for Viagra (not yet licensed here) by phoning a number for which they are then charged international rates. No such clinical trials exist.
The headline reads: "Phoney Viagra line stiffs callers"

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."
Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!"
Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15, 000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."
Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between more...

On the first day of Christmas,
My good friend sent to me,
A gecko in a flame tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
My true friend gave to me,
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true friend gave to me,
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.

On the forth day of Christmas
My true friend gave to me,
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas.
My true friend gave to me,
Five princess rings.
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true friend gave to me,
Six days in Hong Kong.
Five princess rings.
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape more...