Honk Jokes / Recent Jokes

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight." Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?" The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building." "Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter. The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

Grandma writes:
The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a "Honk if you really love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
Why, it was like a football game with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ, Go!"
Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him more...

Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.

>>>***************************************************
>>> Honk if you love Jesus
>>>***************************************************
>>>
>>>
>>>The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a
>>>HONK IF YOU LOVE
>>>JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my
>>>car, and I'm really
>>>glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!
>>>
>>>I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought
>>>about the Lord, and didn't
>>>notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked!
I
>>>found lots of people
>> >who love Jesus.
>>>
>>>Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY
love
>>>the Lord because
>>>pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as
>>>loud as he could. It was
>>>like a football game with him shouting, "GO more...

Humor: More Bumper Stickers
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed... blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To more...

a.. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
b.. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
c.. The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
d.. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
e.. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
f.. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
g.. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
h.. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
i.. Iliterate? Write For Help.
j.. Honk If Anything Falls Off.
k.. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
l.. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.
m.. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed
Person.
n.. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
o.. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
p.. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
q.. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
r.. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
s.. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For more...

100, 000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real more...