Hooker Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said "well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine".

"Well, what did he want to do?"

they all asked.

She said " I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much".

"So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either".

"Finally I said, well, how much do you have"?

The new hooker said "well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand"

He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said "he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand..."

"Oh my god" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge, then what did you more...

Whats the difference between a hooker a girlfriend and a wife?
The hooker says faster faster faster, the girlfriend says more more more...
The wife say beige, beige, I think we should paint the ceiling beige.

Whats the difference between a hooker and a bungee jump?
They are both fast, fun, and if the rubber breaks you are dead.

An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions."Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.""The same as the short ones, honey."

Whats the difference between a hooker and a rooster?
A rooster says Cock a doodle doo and a hooker says any Cock all doo

Q. Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?
A. Because New Jersey got first pick!
Q. What do you need when you have a car half full of cement and a lawyer in it?
A. More cement.
Q. What`s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A. God doesn`t think he`s a lawyer.
Q. What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand!.
Q. Why do lawyers display a copy of their bar association cards on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones?
Q. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A. Your Honour.
Q. What`s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q. What`s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q. What`s the difference more...

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.
The the hooker's gramma came and said "Why are all of you girls lined up?"
The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said "We're lined up to buy oranges"
The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said "How do you do it, you're so old?!?"
Gramma says - "It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!"