Hooker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can clean her crack and resell it the next day.

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.
She said, "Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine."
"Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked.
She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much.
So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn't have that much either.
Finally I said, 'well, how much do you have?'
"The marine said he only had $25.
So I told him, "For $25 all I can give you is a hand job."
He agreed, and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out.
I put one hand on it.
Then, I put the other hand above that one."
She paused, raised her eyebrows.
"Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge!
Then what did you do?"
"I loaned him $75!

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. Whenshe came back down to the street, the seasoned veteransall gathered around to hear the details. She said,"Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine." "Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked. She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, buthe said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blowjob would be $75, but he did not have that much either.Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marinesaid he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all Ican give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after gettingthe finances straight, he pulled it out. I put onehand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one." She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues,"Then I put the first hand above the second hand..." "Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! Then what did you do?" "I loaned him $75!"

Bill Clinton was out for his morning jog when he saw a hooker. As he was passing her, he said, "20 bucks".
"Not a chance," she replied.
The next morning Bill and Hillary were both out jogging together when they saw the same hooker.
As they were jogging by, she yelled out, "See what 20 bucks gets you?"

The new hooker just finished her first trick and when she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "Well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine."
"Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked.
She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much."
"So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn't have that much either. Finally I asked, 'Well, how much do you have?'"
The marine said that he only had $25.
The new hooker said, "Well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job."
He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said, "he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand..."
"Oh my God," they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! then what did
you do?"
"I loaned him more...

A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hookersays, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that'sfor a hand job." "$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the manexclaimed. " No hand job in the world could be worth $500!" The hookersummons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I cando with my hands." Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 andsure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexualexperience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "Godthat was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?" "$2500," the hooker replied. "$2500 for a blowjob?" Cried the more...

A man is walking around New York with his wife. They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and he waits outside. A hooker comes along and says to him, "Like to come home with me, buddy?"

"For how much?" asks the man.

"One hundred dollars."

"I'll give you five bucks."

The girl spits at him and walks away. A little later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk. On the first corner they come to there is the same hooker. She takes one look at the man and his wife and says, "You see? You see what you get for five bucks?"