Hope Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hotel LettersThe following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.Thank you,
S. BermanDear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I lefttoday which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this issatisfactory.Kathy,
Relief MaidDear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid. more...
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves. He had the manager try them on. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up. When the manager gave him the gift she accidentally gave him a pair of panties instead. When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it. The note read: Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift. The lady at the store said they were perfect. I had her try them on for me. She looked more like a lady. Oh, when you take them off be sure to wash them because they will be damp at times. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. Love, Bobby PS:I can't wait to take them off of you. The latest style is to wear them folded in with a little fur showing.
I love a good joke and so here is my contribution to this
place. Here is one joke of many that I hope to stick up in the
Infolanka joke pages. I hope you like it.
Arjuna Kulatunga
You are one of a group of people on board an airplane. Suddenly the pilot enters the
cabin and says you are about to crash. Sadly there is only one parachute left.
Pessimist: You refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.
Optimist: You refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps like this
before.
Bureaucrat: You order a feasibility study on parachute usage in a multi engine aircraft
under code red conditions.
Internal Revenue Service: You confiscate the parachute along with the luggage,
wallets and gold filings.
Engineer: You make another parachute out of curtains and dental floss.
Mathematician: You refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in
all cases.
Philosopher: You more...
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in her kitchen, listening to her son play with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said "All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, "cause this is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train 'cause we're leaving."
The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, go to your room for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the room and resumed playing with the train. Soon, the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. For those of you who are just boarding, we more...
OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard more...
(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her well-meaning husband.)
Monday A. M.
Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned.
Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.
Tuesday A. M.
Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the
Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your
door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili.
Wednesday A. M.
Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for more...