Horn Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's new car. Suddenly, some jerk pulls in front of them. The blonde then puts her lips on the steering wheel.
The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage to ask, "What are you doing?!"
The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn."
Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?
A: One is far more painful to your ears.
Q: What`s the name of a good English horn player?
A: I`ll tell you when I meet one.
Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much, he`ll fall off the ladder.
Q: Why is wetting your pants like playing an English Horn?
A: Both give you a warm feeling but no one notices.
A girl goes on a first date with a french horn player. Next day her friend says "go on tell me, what was it like"?
"OK" her friend replies "but every time he kissed me he shoved his fist up my ass"
Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can`t march.
Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he`ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A: A goalpost that can`t march.
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."
Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he`ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.
Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a `57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a more...
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes. Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: Somone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn't. Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? A: A trombone will bend before it breaks. Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this? A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig. Orchestral trombonists count so much rest and play so many repeated figures that the sheep story also works. Trombone: a slide whistle with delusions of granduer.
* In the quiet town of Connersville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms.
* Bozeman, Montana has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.
* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds more...
One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's new car. Suddenly, some jerk pulls in front of them. The blonde then puts her lips on the steering wheel.
The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage to ask, "What are you doing?!"
The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn."