"American Sex Laws" joke

* In the quiet town of Connersville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms.

* Bozeman, Montana has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.

* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

* The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

* An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!

* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

* In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset.

* However, in Maryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

* It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait proximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

* Another law in Helena, Montana mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

* Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

* In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

* A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

* Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

And finally,

* No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.