Hostess Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this Russian guy, this Spanish guy and this Korean guy all in the same ESL class. The teacher told them to make a sentence using the word' hostess' for homework. So the next day the Russian guy goes "Oh I have a good sentence. The hostess was very courteous." And the teacher said "Wow that was really good!" The Spanish guy goes, "Oh I have a better sentence. My mother is a good hostess when others come over." Then the teacher said, "Wow that was really good!" Finally the Korean guy goes, "I have the best sentence. When my mother answers the phone, she says hostess?"

The most widely used language in the world has neither
name nor dictionary. It crosses the bounds of all known
dialects. I have discovered that all women of all ages
are able to speak it, and am revealing what little I
know of it to menfolk everywhere.

This secret language is a strange combination of words,
intonations, faint eyebrow-lifting and well-placed
pauses by which women can even exchange insults in
such a manner that the male thinks they are
complimenting each other.

They can make the male believe that a woman they are
discussing is their bosom friend, when in reality,
they`re ripping her to shreds.

It`s also useful to them in awkward social situations.
For example, the hostess decides that it`s time for
y`all to go home. Maybe the hostess will say

"Can`t I give you just one more drink (pause) before
(pause) you go." The man of course is ready to more...

One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.
After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested, but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats more...

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering, and his blonde hostess broached a subject of which the doctor was most at ease. "Doctor, would you mind telling me," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question, one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?" asked the hostess.
"Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" the doctor replied.
The blonde thought for a moment, then said, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I've never known very much about history!"

A couple trying to break into society, hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's mid- section.
The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead."
The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat.
"It is still out on the road where the car ran over it."

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were
the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "Of course they were cleaned Father."
"They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells -
"Here Soap! Here Water!"

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes werethe dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life."Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.She replied, "Of course they were cleaned Father.""They're as clean as soap and water could get them."He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells -"Here Soap! Here Water!"