Hound Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.

The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."

One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door.
The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "yeah, what do you want?".
The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice "I've lost my tail... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on".
At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog... "Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.' 'Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied,' 'Nope.'' As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled,' 'I thought you said your dog didn't bite!'' The old man muttered,' 'Ain't my dog.''

One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice "I've lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... "Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".

The following breeds are now recognized by both the American and the Canadian Kennel Clubs:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso. A dog that folds up for easy transport.
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter. A traditional Christmas pet.
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso. An abstract dog.
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever. The choice of research scientists.
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound. A dog suitable for financial advisors.
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow. A dog that throws up quite often.
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer. A dog as fresh and clean as a whistle.
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador. A dog that barks incessantly.
Collie + Malamute = Commute. A dog that commutes to work.
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere. A dog that's true to the end.
Bull Terrier + ShihTzu = Ummm, oh... never mind!

10 Okay, he's a hound -- But he's OUR hound!
9 Vote for Our Guy or These Dole Viagra Pictures Hit the Internet
8 If the Dome is A-Rockin', Don't Come A-Knockin'!
7 When the Going Gets Tough, We Bomb Iraq.
6 So Spank Us!
5 It's Not Our Fault All the Good Ones Get Shot
4 Our Pants May Fall, But Your 401(K) Value Won't!
3 Felonies Dismissed While You Wait
2 You're so pretty, come on over here and give us a vote, Darlin'!!
1 Laid in America

Why does the Hound of the Baskervilles turn round and round before he lies down for the night? Because he's the watchdog and he has to wind himself up.