Hugh Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh can trust your car to the man who wears the star! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh could hear a pin drop! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh's afraid of the big bad wolf!Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh is going to let me in then? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh made me love you!

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Playboy magazine publisher Hugh Hefner. One of my three girlfriends has decided to stop seeing me. I saw this coming after I told her that I don't want to be married and have children. She's still here in the Playboy Mansion, but she says it's over, so I guess it's over. What do you think I should do?


Dear Hugh,

You are absolutely right. When she says it's over, it's over, and there is nothing to keep her from leaving. But there should be. Nothing keeps a relationship going like shackles. I promise: She won't ever leave you if she can't.

You need to make a grand romantic gesture to keep her from leaving you, and the best way to say “don’t leave me” is to chain her to a radiator. That's right: Imprisonment can be romantic.

Keeping her as a captive girlfriend instead of a wife guarantees that she won’t go anywhere. If she runs away from your marriage, she gets half of your money. If she tries to run more...

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)
Hal Jalikakick (How'd ya like a kick)
Hammond Eggs (Ham and Eggs)
Hank E. Panky (Hanky Panky)
Harmon Ikka (Harmonica)
Harris Mint (Harassment)
Harrison Fire (Hair is on Fire)
Harry Balzac (Hairy Ball Sack)
Harry Weiner (Hairy Wiener)
Hayden Seek (Hide & Seek)
Haywood Jablowme (Hey, Would You Blow Me?)
Haywood Jashootmee (Hey Would You Shoot Me?)
Hein Noon (High Noon)
Helen Back (Hell and Back)
Helena Hanbaskett (Hell In A Hand Basket)
Henador Titzhoff (He Gnawed Her Tits Off)
Herbie Hind (Her Behind)
Herb E. Side (Herbiside)
Herbie Voor (Herbivore)
Holden Mcgroin (Holding My Groin)
Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn)
Holly Wood (Hollywood)
Homan Provement (Home Improvent)
Homer Sexual (Homosexual)
Howard I. No (How Would I Know?)
Howe D. Pardner (Howdy Partner)
Hu Flung Pu (Who Flung Poo?)
Huang Annsaw (Wrong Answer)
Hugh Beeotch more...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hugh!
Hugh who?
Hugh made me love you!

Bill Gates and Hugh Grant met at a hollywood party. While they were chatting, Bill said, "Hugh, I saw some terrific pictures of Devine Brown recently. I sure wouldn't mind getting together with her."
"Well, Bill," replied Hugh, "she's charging a small fortune now. Ever since our incident, her price has really skyrocketed."
With a sly grin, Bill replied, "Money certainly isn't an object to me. What's her number?" Hugh
gave Bill Devine's phone number so Bill called and set up a date.
Bill met with Devine and after they had finished, he lay there in sheer ecstasy and mumbled
"Wow, now I understand why you chose the name Devine."
"Thanks, Bill," replied Devine, "unfortunately, now I understand why you chose the name Microsoft!"