Hungry Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks.
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says.. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like maybe a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space? Because they've just had a big launch.

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, more...

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one. "
Me, too", said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate' til they could eat no more.
"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one.
"Me neither, let's just lay here and
bask in the warm sun", said the second.
"OK" said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up.
As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."

Hungry Snake Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then hehappened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beerdown his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?

"I`m hungry."
(I`m hungry.)
"I`m sleepy."
(I`m sleepy.)
"I`m tired."
(I`m tired.)
"Nice dress!"
(Nice cleavage!)
"You look tense, let me give you a massage."
(I want to fondle you.)
"What`s wrong?"
(What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
trauma are you going through now?)
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(I liked it better before.)
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(50 bucks and it still doesn`t look any different!)
(While shopping) "I like that one better."
(Pick any damn dress and let`s go home!)