Husband Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Costume party.
The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time.
Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him there was no need for him to miss the fun.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened
without pain, and as it was still early she decided to go to the party.
Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry more...

One day an elderly couple was out for an afternoon drive and had to
stop for gas.
Attendant: " Would you like me to check the oil?"
Wife: "What did he say?"
Husband: "He wants to know if I want the oil checked."
Attendant: "Would you like me to top up the washer fluid?"
Wife: "What did he say?"
Husband: "He wants to know if I want the fluids topped up."
When the attendant heard them talking, he asked, "By the way,
where are you from?"
The husband replied, "We are from Nova Scotia."
"Ah," said the attendant. "Years ago I was in Nova Scotia and
had the worst love affair ever."
The wife said, "What did he say?"
Husband: "He thinks he knows you!"

A wife was out for the evening playing bingo and came home sporting a new fur coat. "Honey," she said to her husband, "look what I won at bingo!"
The next week, she came home from bingo wearing a huge diamond ring. "Hey, honey," she said, "look what I won at bingo!"
The following week, when she came home from bingo, she was driving a brand new BMW. "Look!" she exclaimed. "Look what I won at bingo!"
As she preparing to get ready for bingo the next week, her husband asked, "Darling, would you like me to draw a bath for you?"
"Oh, yes please," she replied.
When she went to get in the tub, she noticed that there was less than an inch of water in it. "Honey, how am I supposed to take a bath with such a small amount of water?" she asked.
"Well, I wouldn't want you to get your bingo card wet!" replied the husband.

Golf Genie
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on
the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her
shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very
large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through
the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to
see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they
peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out
and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small
gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. The wife asked
the man, "
Do you live here?"
"
No, someone just hit a ball through the
window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little
bottle. I am so grateful!"
he answe red. The wife asked, "
Are you a
genie?"
more...

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...

A woman is having a problem with her closet door, it was falling off every time a bus was passing by.
So she called a repair man.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls off every time a bus passes by.
"OK, I'm going to see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
Just then, the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you're not going to believe it, but I'm waiting for a bus!"

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the
habit.
One Halloween night,
she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way
home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red
horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil," she responded."Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."