Ice Jokes / Recent Jokes
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky.
"You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks.
"As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts.
"I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No," the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."
What does the hungry monster get after hes eaten too much ice cream? More ice cream!
A teacher asks her class, " If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied " Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, " The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.
Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob can't believe it, he yells over " whats your secret?" "woogatkakeptewrwm" he answers back. "what did you say?" replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, " you have to keep your worms warm".
If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY??? The ice will crack up!
: How do you hire a teddy bear? A: Put him on stilts! Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A: A polo bear! Q: Why do polo bears like bald men? A: Because they have a great, white, bear place! Q: What do polo bears have for lunch? A: Ice burger! Q: What's a teddy bears favorite pasta? A: Tagliateddy! Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A: They both have' the' as their middle names! Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? A: It lives on ice! Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo? A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema! Q: What is a bear's favorite drink? A: Koka-Koala! Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled? A: Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!
Which flavor ice cream is Draculas favorite? Vein-illa.