Idea Jokes / Recent Jokes

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A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, more...

What’s the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
Lawnmowers don’t bitch after they cut the yard.

What’s a man’s idea of a romantic evening?
A candlelit football stadium.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

How can you tell good mushrooms from bad ones?
Serve them to your mother-in-law. If she drops dead, they’re good!

Did you hear about the man who got caught masturbating while on board a commercial airliner?
He was arrested for skyjacking!

How are men like vacations?
They never seem to be long enough!

How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

What food describes most men?
Jerky.

Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
Women working at 900 more...

Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake (24) and his friend, Ormond D. Young (27) at the Metallica concert last Friday.
Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20 ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground; adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.
According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the two of them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7 foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and more...

Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked."He got this crazy idea he was going to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied. "He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and well, you get the idea.""So what did he end up with?""Ten years."

A man and a woman, who have never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.At 1:00 a.m., he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, Maam, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.I have a better idea, she replied. Just for tonight, lets pretend that were married.Wow! That's a great idea! he exclaimedGood, she replied. Get your own damn blanket! After a moment of silence, he farted.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, more...

A lecturer at a medical college asked a colleague to help him with a shenanigan. He explained that he was shortly conducting a tour for prospective students, during which they would be coming down to the vaults to get their first look at a corpse. The idea was that his friend would play the corpse, and when his drawer was opened and the visitors were examining he would suddenly jump to his feet, thereby scaring the life out of them.
The friend agreed, and at the appointed hour the lecturer loaded him into the cold storage unit.
It was only when he was inside that he realized that the storage unit was not divided into individual cubicles. Instead, each slab was suspended on rails in a large open chamber, and he was surrounded by corpses on all sides.
After a few minutes he found the whole thing a bit too creepy, and he began hesitantly to call out things like, "Errm, Dave... maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... d'you think you could let me out, I've changed more...