Identify Jokes / Recent Jokes

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal.Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked? All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!

How does one identify a Kentucky virgin?
She's the one who can outrun her brothers.

A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him."
So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over."
So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."
Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes."
"What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO more...

A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet.Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him." So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over." So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes.""What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO assholes?" "Yup, that's right, more...

A lumber yard advertised a job opening and the only applicant was a blind man. The yard foreman interviewed the blind man and informed him that the ability to see was critical to the position because the employee would have to find lumber, measure it and cut it for the customers. The blind man said, "I have an extremely keen sense of smell so I can find the needed lumber, and I have a special braille measuring device to measure the wood, and I have a special saw to cut the wood. I can do anything a person with 20:20 vision can do."
To test this, the foreman brought in 10 pieces of lumber, all different types, depths, widths and lengths. He told the blind man to identify each piece of lumber. The blind man held the first piece of lumber to his nose and said, "This is white pine." He then measured it and said, "It's a two by four, 6 feet long." He was absolutely right. He then went on to accurately identify and measure every piece of wood - fir, more...

Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the more...

How can you identify an [ethnic] pirate?
He's the one with patches over both eyes.