Idiot Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".

Quote from the Boss... "I didn`t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That`s because it`s unfamiliar territory.

My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.

My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.

I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too. .. but at least I respect him.

He`s given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and more...

There was Jenny and Bill at a hot make out spot gettin there kissy kissy on. Bill asked Jenny, "Ya wanna get in the back?".

Jenny replies, "No!".

They go a little farther and Jenny's shirt came off. Again Bill asks, "Ya wanna get in the back?".

"NO!!!!!", replies Jenny.

A few minutes later, Bill puts his hand up Jenny's skirt. Again he asks, "Are ya sure ya don't wanna get in the back?".

"NO!!!!!!", replies Jenny.

"Dammit!!!", says Bill, "Why don't ya wanna get in the back?".

Jenny quickly replies, "Cause I wanna stay here with you!".

A nervous father-to-be called the hospital.

When the nurse answered the phone, he pleaded, "You've gotta send help! My wife is in labor!"

"Take it easy," said the nurse.

"Is this her first child?"

"No," he answered, "this is her husband!"

How do you keep a idiot occupied?(Scroll Down). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Scroll Up)(he-he)(woo-hoo!) (yee-haa!)

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says' Do Not Disturb'!"